Crest of another hill.
Yesterday was a good day and today is holding the same tenor. I slept late, spoke to a friend for an hour on the phone, lingered in my big-tee till noon and finished the cardigan I have been tinkering with for 6 months. Sweet.
I won a voucher for 50 off of a plane ticket from our local airport, to be used by next February. That will be easy. I fully intend to sneak down to Florida to see my Grandmother in January before school resumes after Christmas break again. I did it last year and it was a good way to steel myself for the semester and get a matriarchal hug! She came up here to the Midwest for the family reunion in July but I don't see enough of her. She's going to be 106 in December...But at least we can email back and forth. She is phenomenal.
I also just went online and checked my grades. Summer classes just finished for me and I managed a good outcome. Somehow seeing a grade is the validation that I always seem to crave for what ever I do. I rarely botch anything (within reason) but still look to others for the affirming nod. That validating process makes me happy and angry and embarrassed - all at the same time. I should not have to have somebody tell me if it is well done. Ah, but I am doubtful that I will suddenly become self assured at this age.
I really really enjoyed spending the morning relaxing at home. This is the first Saturday in too long that I haven't been in my office at work, trying to stay up with my assignments and feeling absolutely sorry for myself. I liked being home! Few things could pry me out of that haven. But my sweetheart is knee deep in orientation activities at school and if I want to spend a little time with him I follow. So here I am at school on a Saturday afternoon anyway - at his computer in his office - trying to slip in a tardy post while I wait for the next event on the schedule. He will be busy for a bit and then I will join him for dinner. I am able to speak to being an alum as well as being on staff...and I get to stare at a very handsome man who also wishes he were home...and make him smile.
Over the last several weeks I have wrestled with an opinion stream rushing through my mind about several work related aspects in my life, promising to post them the first chance I got. Then today I finally have the moment. Now is when I should fulfill those great visions - the launching of a diatribe about all of the political quagmires that I find myself wading through at present, shredding the idiots involved with a venomous keyboard. Exposing the corruption, routing the selfserving, defending the realm.
But right about now I am washed with a calm from a separate, strong place within me.
I think of the words of the Desiderata. My parents. My God. My heart.
I am enjoying the belief that it will work out all right for me.
Incompetent people are often exposed and injustices are often remedied. I may not always be witness to the conclusion but I don't need to be. That is part of what faith is.
All I have to do it stand true to my self--my reality- my truth, my ethics, my integrity, my values. All of the strife that others try to manufacture --I can choose not to embrace---not to make it part of my life.
Whatever happens in this life. I know that I will be just fine.
I won a voucher for 50 off of a plane ticket from our local airport, to be used by next February. That will be easy. I fully intend to sneak down to Florida to see my Grandmother in January before school resumes after Christmas break again. I did it last year and it was a good way to steel myself for the semester and get a matriarchal hug! She came up here to the Midwest for the family reunion in July but I don't see enough of her. She's going to be 106 in December...But at least we can email back and forth. She is phenomenal.
I also just went online and checked my grades. Summer classes just finished for me and I managed a good outcome. Somehow seeing a grade is the validation that I always seem to crave for what ever I do. I rarely botch anything (within reason) but still look to others for the affirming nod. That validating process makes me happy and angry and embarrassed - all at the same time. I should not have to have somebody tell me if it is well done. Ah, but I am doubtful that I will suddenly become self assured at this age.
I really really enjoyed spending the morning relaxing at home. This is the first Saturday in too long that I haven't been in my office at work, trying to stay up with my assignments and feeling absolutely sorry for myself. I liked being home! Few things could pry me out of that haven. But my sweetheart is knee deep in orientation activities at school and if I want to spend a little time with him I follow. So here I am at school on a Saturday afternoon anyway - at his computer in his office - trying to slip in a tardy post while I wait for the next event on the schedule. He will be busy for a bit and then I will join him for dinner. I am able to speak to being an alum as well as being on staff...and I get to stare at a very handsome man who also wishes he were home...and make him smile.
Over the last several weeks I have wrestled with an opinion stream rushing through my mind about several work related aspects in my life, promising to post them the first chance I got. Then today I finally have the moment. Now is when I should fulfill those great visions - the launching of a diatribe about all of the political quagmires that I find myself wading through at present, shredding the idiots involved with a venomous keyboard. Exposing the corruption, routing the selfserving, defending the realm.
But right about now I am washed with a calm from a separate, strong place within me.
I think of the words of the Desiderata. My parents. My God. My heart.
I am enjoying the belief that it will work out all right for me.
Incompetent people are often exposed and injustices are often remedied. I may not always be witness to the conclusion but I don't need to be. That is part of what faith is.
All I have to do it stand true to my self--my reality- my truth, my ethics, my integrity, my values. All of the strife that others try to manufacture --I can choose not to embrace---not to make it part of my life.
Whatever happens in this life. I know that I will be just fine.
posted by artcat | 4:56 PM
2 Comments:
Bravo you!
Hoping I can time the cresting of my hill around August 30 and reach zen at about 11 a.m.
I was fine at 11. I need some tinkering: it seems 2:30 is the optimum zen time! :-)
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