Intentionally unprofound-

that is what I need to be.
I need to "lighten up for Lord's sake"....or so I am told.
OK.

It is a lovely fall day and the wind is swirling the golden leaves past the livingroom window with a fervor that just has to make you smile.
I need to run to the pet store and get filters.
I have to think of what to take for a dinner party tonight-middle eastern menu.
Storm windows can wait until tomorrow when it is less gusty.
My husband and two cats are all taking a 1:00 nap.
Good idea.

How's that for trying to be intentionally unprofound?

OK. I do have that facet as part of my makeup. I can do light.
I can mimic a pane of glass, but what about all of the other planes of the multifaceted diamond that is all of me?
Yea, uhm, sorry - I am really something quite special, and valuable, and rare, and when light passes through me I can cast rainbows.

You know, I think maybe you need to read my masthead again.

I am an eclectic mix of artist, maverick, kung fu sage, librarian, and old hippie

- and my posting will be all over the board, guaranteed.

You may agree or not - read or not - like me or not, it's your time.

If you don't like me the way I am, perhaps you should just walk away. I doubt that I am going to change.

Friday afternoon - slowing down

The day itself should have been a leg up. I am on the far side of several nasty pieces to my week and today I should have been able to concentrate on a few of the parts of my real job that I enjoy. Sometimes I worry that circumstances will keep me from getting to sit down and rest and do what I like to do. Sure enough, today did just that…again.

You see, I like to touch books-smell them, feel them, solve the puzzles connected with them, see them through their naming ceremony, give them credence and bless them and send them out to live their lives.

What I do not like, is being taken advantage of.
What I do not like, is having politics sewn to my shoulders by people who care very little about me or my well being.
What I do not like, is being put in the middle of a spear-chucking contest…or any other personal contest.
What I do not like, is the mud balls that have attached themselves to my hemline as a result of wading through knee deep mire.

I am OK with the armload of tasks, labors, small burdens that I have chosen (yes I have chosen) to pick up and carry, because it was done out of love or honor or passion and I am a woman with an abundance of love, honor and passion.
I DO love the people - the family, the friends, the colleagues - that are in my sphere and that I have chosen to help... and believe that love is the greatest power on earth. It makes the burdens lighter- the tasks easier- and the labors, all of them, labors of love.

Logically, I know that the mud balls will dry up and begin to drop off in a steady dust... and the acidity of politics will eat through the stitchery and that too will fall away from my shoulders…and by and by I will be able to go sit down.

But for now- I wish it all wouldn’t be this hard... it makes me want to stop playing altogether.

I wonder if it would help if someone could give me a star on my nametag? It did once...

Looking back over my shoulder.

It is getting harder to come back...to here...to all of this unpleasantness. I feel like a child who is being dragged away by the wrist and is looking back over my shoulder at where I have been.
Don't get me wrong, there is a lot of good here too. . . and I will swallow hard and start my exercise of blessing counting...but it is decidedly getting harder to come back...to here...to this.

Stepping back in time...

I am packing. Today I am going on a trip and I am excited. Some look at what I do as eccentric self abuse because I am going to be 'camping' for the next three and a half days, in a tent, in eighteenth century clothing, in inclement weather (highs of 30 and sleet/snow mix) but I see a complete escape. No phones. No bits of modern even showing in camp...and camp is 150 tents large - a virtual city of like minded folk portraying every kind of occupation. I am not taking homework. I am taking canvas and paints. I am not taking a palm or a pc. I am taking half knitted socks and teas. I am going to a spa. I am stepping back in time, to the eighteenth century where I still exist as an artist...

Snow's a comin'...

There's going to be a big freeze and maybe even some snow later in the week so I am scurrying a few of the lovely begonias inside to enjoy for a while more. Sometimes they linger on till spring and sometimes they don't. Those that start to languish I drift to the basement to rest until spring when they can go outside and revive properly. I am also finding a comfy place for my houseplants so winter will still seem warm and growing even in the depth of January. Of course the downside is that there are days that one feels like they're living in a terarium or a biosphere and escape comes in the form of shoveling snow. It can get pretty inviting.

Gee, time flies...

...and somehow I lost a couple weeks since my last post - but, I warned you that I may not be a prolific writer.

Yes, I'm still here, 'orbiting around doing homework and 37 other things at once as usual', as one of my friends so appropriately put it. . . and as I told her, I keep hearing strains of "...I ain't broke, but brother I'm badly bent..." But wait, the loveliest trees are the ones with bends and twists, and marks of character, aren't they?

I am currently trying to swing my focus from the negative view to the celebratory view of being stretched so thin. It is much more fruitful and tolerable if I look at how much I am able to do now! I am growing and learning and evolving and none of those things are bad things. It's like education, noone can take that away from you.

So, a few points to reflect on in celebration:

• I am being asked to write academic reports ordinarily written by upper administrative staff - they must think I am capable and articulate and respect my opinion!
• I am being asked to attend meetings ordinarily restricted to upper administrative staff - what a wonderful learning experience for a role I will surely play someday in my future!
• I am trying to take steps toward streamlining our library collection and correcting errors in our online database, so that we will move into a new automation system with our holdings as well represented as I am able, in the time afforded. How wonderful that I am able physically and mentally and emotionally to take this on. What a gift I have been given - this opportunity to grow and learn and serve.
• I am able to work towards furthering my formal education, and am half way through the semester and therefore just about halfway through the masters' degree program. Great!
• I am blessed with more good things every day than I can list, the best of which is my husband, my health, my family, my friends, my pets, my home and my job. Whew, that is awesome!

OK, so maybe optimism is an exercise in attitude that must be worked at continually because it can set the tone and dictate the outcome of absolutely everything else in our lives. OK, so maybe I have days that I forget that and spiral into the Le'Brae tar pit of negativity.

...as for today - I choose to celebrate.