My life is in shuffle mode

Random. This is how screen savers pull images from my past that are tucked benignly in my pictures folder and slides, fades, and eases them across my vision. It is also how tunes vie for one of my audio teats in a world desensitized from excessive din.

Random. This is how my life's events are emerging in a shuffle pattern that is almost impossible to predict. Good, bad, good, good, good, bad, bad, and on it goes like a surreal binary code.

Random. Title change at work after being told it wouldn't happen, and it pleasantly reflects my degree efforts. It's too bad it didn't come with the other perks and money that it should have. My home computer power supply fried, taking the motherboard and leaving me with toast without orange marmalade. A sudden snowstorm canceled work Friday. My amaryllis is in full bloom with huge, 8" scarlet blossoms. I am cooking Easter dinner tomorrow for 24 people and I haven't finished cleaning my house. The coons have left the chimney just in time for company coming. I didn't hear back from my application to the library in the Southwest so I guess I wasn't what they were after. I have a loving cat on my lap. I have a splitting headache that may be a result of either tension (see dinner above) or a combination of numerous stresses - bad binary code.

Life is sure odd, isn't it? I can't predict or explain or even plan for any of the things that are continually happening. I always feel like I am just ducking and dodging and trying to stay on my feet while the events of my life are just ... in shuffle mode.

Random. So why try and get prepared when it is just random. You can't possibly hit it right. Odds are just random.

So, where do I go from here?

Self evaluation. I notice that it kicks in naturally when I finish any substantial phase of my life. It's a natural retool for me. Somehow nothing else matters while I am head down, hard at it with a project, until I finish. Especially when the task is something energy sucking like this degree has been over the last two years. And it is funny in a sad sort of way, that I am evaluating every bean counting bit of my life and deciding what I want to do now.

I can tell that I am on a precipice. I have been here before and it is unsettling, because I know what it means. I have no warning prior to finding myself here but I should expect that my path always leads me here after each foray. It will wind up being a good thing for me, just hard on those around me. Believe me, it will be all about me - me at my egotistical best.

What? No, I am in no danger really. It is the rest of my life that is in danger. You are in danger. What I mean by that is it is time for an overhaul. The danger to you is when I undergo a cleanup and redirect like this it means that I will strip away any person, activity, object, or commitment that I deem unworthy of my time, energy, or affection. Period. The whole process will no doubt include activities as simple as dragging material goods to a local thrift center. It will most assuredly also include suddenly discontinuing friendships where I believe that I am not being appreciated, walking away from social circles where I feel I am wasting my time, shutting down projects that I cannot justify the expenditing of energy such as this blog, and even relocating to another part of the country. Timing is unpredictable. It may be in the next few weeks or months or up to a year. If I don't get the chance to warn or explain, sorry.....